So what is the friendly face of unwelcome change? Before we get there, a quick story. I was reading “How we break” 1 and he told a story that gave me pause as I could both identify as the antagonist and the protagonist of the story.
The story is of Alice, who was working in a government sector job in the UK. A couple of years ago, where she worked was optimized to be more cost effective. Gradually her workload increased as more accountabilities and responsibilities fell under her purview. The governance overhead increased as did the secondary work2. People were let go or broke down under the strain and this, of course, led to more work being given to her. Eventually she reached her limit, and reached out to her organization for help. The response was “would she be interested in resilience training”?”
When I was telling this story to a colleague, this was the point where she snorted in derision. The idea that it was Alice’s weakness that was the problem, that all that was needed was some gumption and all would be well is, frankly, disgraceful. Not that the system needs to be adjusted, work loads changed or practical help given. No, what this lady needed was some really good tips on emotional regulation.
when you have been on both sides of the conversation
At this point it is easy to identify with the lady. Who, among us, has not been in a situation of increasing workload and increasing oversight. Where someone above has a belief that more can be done with less (not by them, by you). It is common and will become increasingly common as the economy becomes less boom and more bust.
While I empathized with the lady, I also felt very much for the person that suggested resilience training. You see I have often been the friendly face of unwelcome change. I was the person who empathized, listened and talked to the disenfranchised. Sometimes I did this in a professional role and sometimes as a social role. I have done variations on suggesting resilience training. I have worked to help people in systems that are quite profoundly broken. Where empowerment is the slogan and work harder and longer is the real expectation. When you are the helper or coach in this kind of system, it is easy to focus on what you can influence, i.e the person, over the unchangeable system
However before we get into the ethics of being the friendly face, let’s talk about why the friendly face is there in the first place.
Optimization – needed adaptation, unasked for change
There are two truths
- Organizations that hold to a steady state will decline
- Organizations have to change to survive
With these truths in place, the question is not whether to optimize, the question is how.
I want you to imagine you are optimizing a system to lift more weight. It turns out that it is people that lift the weight. There are two main approaches
Reductive Optimization
This is slowly (or suddenly) increasing the expectation of how much weight can be lifted. This is what befell Alice – the external rising expectation of performance tied to reduced staffing until her limit was reached. This is often done and will give the needed numbers in the short term
Intrinsic Optimization
The second is to communicate the goal (i.e more weights to be lifted) and work with the people doing the work to find a path to win. This normally is a co-created plan for change with agreed support, feedback loops and training. This is harder and works in the medium to long term.
So let’s combine Alice’s experience, the organization’s need to optimize and the role of a friendly face. What to consider when someone reaches out.
The ethics of being the “friendly face”
Sometimes as a coach/helper/advisor in an organization you become the friendly face of the broken system. Sometimes you are just the person people like to vent to/confide in. If you suspect you are in this position and someone comes with concerns, what are the ethics of the conversation? I think of the below as ethical concerns because they guide you to the harder thing that will benefit everyone involved. If you are in these sorts of conversations often, you should be able to have them with due care. So here are the guidelines I have learnt over time.
1) Be aware and promote the organization’s existing support structures.
Know what help the company offers. It could be counseling, mediation or mentoring. Remove the shame of reaching out for help that you may not be able to give.
2) Let them Vent – make sure the vent does not stop the needed conversation.
Don’t be the woman in the middle. Communication or feedback to the right people should not be stopped because they have talked to you. So patiently, gently attempt to find a path with the person to having the needed conversation safely with the right people.
3) Do not pretend to be a mental health professional, be aware enough to know when one might be needed
You’re not a magician, and you are not getting an unbiased point of view. Stay in the shallow water (i.e don’t go too deep). If their distress pushes you to deeper topics – be aware of the current and aware of your limitations. As soon as you have suspicions of harm (self or otherwise), mental instability or that you are giving therapy, then take a breath and (as with point 1), steer them to help you can not give.
4) Give perspective not solutions
This is a bit coachy – solutions are easy, getting people to have self awareness and systemic awareness is harder. If possible enable them to see the view from others, see the causation (not blame) of all parties and to become aware of various systems (relationship / organizational / process) that are in play.
5) Move from point to pattern
People change, companies change – neither one is “entitled” to the other. Sometimes the consequence of perspective is an awareness of someone’s place in the system and a re-evaluation of what that means. That can be recognizing their need to change and adapt or it can be recognizing that this company is not for them. Ensure you have no finger on the scale either way, only compassion and support whatever their revelation.
6) Don’t let their story becomes your opinion
When someone is venting about someone keep in mind that everyone in this situation is partially correct. The best mindset is not to determine the correctness, but to be aware of its potential existence in all parties. Don’t judge the person who is asking for help. Don’t judge the villain in their story – listen, support and challenge the person you’re with
7) Be honest whether the company’s actions over time meet your values.
If you find yourself being aware of a disconnect between how you wish your company acted and how it does, you may need to consider your own relationship with the organization. When in the role of the “friendly face” you can become an unwitting supporter of the status quo. This can take its toll on your mental health and can slowly change your values as you advocate for what you do not believe.
In Alice’s case it is reasonable to say that her friendly face was aware of the offerings of the company, even if it was resilience training. However it is arguable if they were sensitive to her deeper distress and it does not appear they enabled Alice to move from point to pattern giving her greater perspective.
Where this leaves us
I believe strongly in the friendly face and the many helpful needed conversations that happen over lunch or tea. The above ethical prompts just allow that needed conversation to happen with some guardrails.
Alice, in the book, did break. She had a nervous breakdown and needed counseling to get back into the workforce. Maybe if when she reached out for help, if the person had been able to move past the glib answer of resilience training to a real need for mental health support she would have had an easier path.
As for the person she asked for help, the book doesn’t mention them again. But my heart goes out to them and hopefully they were able to find a friendly face when they needed one.
- “How we break” by by Vincent Deary. It a lovely eclectic book about when how and when we hit our limit and what happens after we do. It is kind,empathic, filled with helpful ideas and is a little quirky in the best way ↩︎
- Secondary work , is the work generated to keep track of the work. The creation of reports is often secondary work, responding to the email about progress is secondary work. ↩︎
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